Brian Wood- Literary Agent

An Agent at the Olympics

2010-02-25T19:09:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been ages since I've written on here. I guess I'm not cut out to be with the blogging trends. A lot of people chastise me for not jumping on the bandwagon of twitter and flickr and all those other social media sites, but to be quite honest, I'd rather spend my time working with clients then talking about it online. Is it really necessary to know every little thing about everyone?

Everyone's lives are now sound bites less than 140 characters or 30 seconds of visuals. No wonder it's getting tough for agents to sell books. I'm proud of resisting the temptation to spend more time online. Not that I don't waste a lot of it fooling around on Facebook. But then again, that's how I have connected with several new clients. So I can't knock all of social media...at the moment.

And for those of you who know me, I finally broke down and bought a cell phone. For emergencies only. And no, don't ask me for the phone number. You won't get it. Not even if you buy the best scotch on the market. Well maybe you'll get it after I drink the scotch, but not before!

So, now onto my topic. Being a literary agent at the Vancouver Olympics. It's been crazy here,but the best part of being here during this time, is that 3/4 of my clients and potential clients are here working. It's been an amazing time.

I am a huge sports fan, and this last week I've been able to meet some of my hockey heroes and enjoy the stories and inside scoop about the games and events being held here. This really has been a turning point in my career, and I am looking forward to selling more books this year. The life of a literary agent can be be extremely frustrating. There isn't anyone to bill when people don't show up for meetings or miss phone appointments. But I have to say that this past week has made up for all of those missed deadlines and phone calls.

It's been pretty exciting.

If you read my blog and feel like submitting some cool sports book or cook book, then please send all queries to my associate Rachel at rachel@gal-fridaypublicity.com. She's pretty cool.

So until I find the time to write again. Enjoy the rest of the Olympics!

Oh, PS- Click on this link to read a great column by Kevin Blackistone- with yours truly mentioned!!
http://olympics.fanhouse.com/2010/02/22/a-kick-to-canadas-collective-gut/

2009-11-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

Well, this business doesn't seem to slow down and this last month has been no exception. I've been working with some new potential clients, trying to keep my current clients stick to their deadlines, and keep up with the publishing world. With the recent wild weather in Vancouver I've been stuck in my house more than usual and it's actually forced me to buckle down and focus my energy on the upcoming year.

I'm sensing that there will be a great deal of change in my life and in publishing in the next few months, and I'm ready for the challenges that change might bring because after all I am an optimist! I'm hoping to sign some new deals and watch all my books fly up the bestsellers list in Canada and the U.S. and work with my associate on some key publicity campaigns.

The latest of my books to hit the shelves is Tony Parsons My Life in the News. You can pick it up at the following website Chapters/Indigo http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/A-Life-In-The-News-Tony-Parsons/9781550174618-item.html

or at the Barnes and Noble site: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/A-Life-in-the-News/Tony-Parsons/e/9781550174618

You can also meet Tony in person at The Vancouver Central Library November 23, 7:30 pm, in the Alice Mackay Room. He'll be reading and signing his book.

Read a review here: http://www.bclocalnews.com/bc_thompson_nicola/merrittherald/community/70331392.html

So you can buy this book along with Hockey Dad by Bob Mckenzie and Why the Leafs Suck by Al Strachan They are sure to make great stocking stuffers for any guy or gal this Christmas.

And remember, each time you purchase one of these books you are helping a hard-working agent pay his phone bills and pay for the many meetings I have to attend via public transportation. Because I just Love public transportation...

Cheers,
Brian

An Agent's Adventure in the East

2009-10-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

Recently I took a vacation. My first real one in two years. Yes, you heard correctly. The life of an agent is truly glamorous, jet setting around once every two years. And it's so wonderful that my vacation ended up being a working one.

I left for the east on September 17th for Ottawa and enjoyed a visit with my family and some friends. One of the reasons I don't venture East more often is that I have so many good friends who lavish me with food and presents, there usually isn't enough time to see them all. And if i miss one the consequences can be long lasting. Not that I have threatening friends or anything but let's just say i want them to remain friends. So I usually just stay in Vancouver to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings.

On the 18th of September I took a trip to Montreal with my friend Meredith to eat about 5 pounds of smoked brisket from Schwartz's Montreal Hebrew Delicatessen. And I'm not kidding. I really think it was closer to ten pounds. You can check them out here: http://www.schwartzsdeli.com/index_eng.html

I can never get enough to their World Famous Original Smoked Meat. I think I had to walk 80 blocks just to work off my dinner. But it was worth it. The smell alone is worth the visit. If you are ever in Montreal you have to stop in and have a meal!

September 22nd was a great day. I met with my client Brian Kilrea, the GM of the Ottawa 67's. We delighted in smoking Montecristo #5 cigars and chatted about his upcoming projects. On the way out of his office he handed me a Romeo y Julieta cigar. Did I mention I love cigars? Well I do. A great deal. I was very grateful for the kindness bestowed upon me by Brian. I look forward to seeing him again.

Press anyone? September 25th found me with my friend Phil Legault at the Ottawa Senators- Boston Bruins pre-season game in the press box. I can't tell you what a thrill it was watching the game from there. I also met up with Bob McKenzie who signed a copy of my book Hockey Dad
( I sold that one), and Gord Miller, Pierre McGuire also TSN, and Wayne Scanlon ( from the Ottawa Citizen). Thanks to all of them for a fantastic night.

After a few more visits with friends I was off to Toronto where my real work began. I met with editors at Key Porter, John Wiley, McClelland & Stewart, Doubleday, and HarperCollins. I also met with buyers at Indigo and two great agents Sam Hiyate, and Hilary McMahon. Hilary is the fiction agent who secured a $200,000 dollar advance for Thomas Trofimuk and his book Waiting for Columbus. I received some good tips from the both of them.

The final trek of my trip was to Edmonton on October 1st. On the way there I was fortunate to meet Craig McTavish on the flight and we exchanged information. I mentioned the other sports celebrities that I work with, and he was very interested in chatting. Sometimes it pays to get up and stretch your legs while flying!

Once in Edmonton I met up with my associate Rachel Sentes and we headed out for dinner. Since Rachel is also a client of mine we held a business meeting about deadlines for her new book (she has some editors interested in her book), and then we stopped by Thomas Trofimuk's book launch at Greenwood's bookstore. I met a few of Rachel's writing friends including author Mark Kozub, and it was a nice evening. Unfortunately, the hectic nature of my trip started rearing its ugly head and jet lag began creeping in on me. I was exhausted. We ended the night early to get some rest.

Friday began early with meetings booked with several clients. Rachel and I met with the author of Money Assassins, Chad Viminitz, to go over some distribution and publicity plans for his book. Rachel sold the book to Insomniac Press and I negotiated the contract.

Next up was journalist Jane Marshall. She was off to Tibet to finish research for her book that has already garnered interest from editors in Toronto. She gave me a lovely gift of a scarf blessed by the Dali Lama.

Rachel and I parted ways for a few hours while I met my other client Holger Petersen for lunch at Sorrentinos. In this world of technology my business can flourish, but it's so important to connect face to face when the opportunity arises.

The weekend visit to Edmonton wrapped up with a small gathering of Rachel's friends at a karaoke bar. I must admit that I hate karaoke. I hate everything about it. But, Rachel swore that it was the first and last time she would ask me to go to one, so I reluctantly agreed to attend. It was worth it to meet up with her friends. They are great people. I hope I get to see them again. My visit to Edmonton was brief but rewarding. I had some great meetings, some that I hope to follow up on soon, and I met some really nice people.

All and all I think it was a very good vacation. I think I'll make it a point not to wait so long before planning another one. In fact I'm thinking next March would be a good time to go. Of course it all depends on how well my books sell. Speaking of which, click on the links below to get your copies today so I can plan my next vacation- I need some more brisket!!

These books will make great Christmas gifts:

Money Assassins- Chad Viminitz- http://www.moneyassassins.com/

Hockey Dad: True Confessions of a (Crazy) Hockey Parent- Bob McKenzie

http://www.amazon.ca/Hockey-Dad-Confessions-Crazy-Parent/dp/0470159391

Why the Leafs Suck and How They Can be Fixed- Al Strachan

http://www.amazon.ca/Why-Leafs-Suck-They-Fixed/dp/155468546X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256526446&sr=1-1

Motormouth: The Complete Canadian Car-Buying Guide 2010 Edition- Zack Spencer

http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Motormouth-Complete-Canadian-Car-Buying-Zack-Spencer/9780470160268-item.html?ref=Search+Books%3a+%2527motormouth%2527

Wow- work is crazy

2009-08-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how time has just flown by. One minute I'm sitting at my dusty desk waiting for the phone to ring ( which it wasn't), and the next thing you know deals are being made at breakneck speed. I may need to hire a secretary!!

As an agent, I love it when publishers get back to you the same day to tell you that they either have an offer, or they will at least try to meet your deadlines. I love it even more when a prospective client takes the time out on their busy weekend to email me and set up a meeting without having to ask. I love those kind of prospects!!

I was excited this week to receive the fall book selling catalogues which contained several of my sold books- it's always a step in the right direction when you actually see the results of all your negotiating and unpaid discussions to get a book sold. This past weekend I happily showed the pages to an associate who was equally happy at the thoughts that there might indeed be royalty cheques coming my way.

With all the recent success I've been having I took a few days off for quiet reflection and a little sight-seeing with my girlfriend. She flew out here for a few days and we enjoyed the glorious weather walking along Ambleside, eating at La Provence and Memphis Blues ( you should buy those books as well- so that I can afford to eat there more often).

We also got in a few games of tennis, and after a little warm up, I was pleasantly surprised that her game had improved since the last time we played. She doesn't get to practice much, at least not in comparison to the three times a week I do, so it was great to see that the tips I had given her were paying off. The scores aside, I'm sure any day now she'll give me a run for my money. It's also interesting to note that she twisted her knee during one rally, but bravely soldiered on eventually winning that game.

So moving forward, I hope to write a little more on here, and give some insider tips on how to approach an agent with your work. If you would like to hear from me directly, feel free to email Rachel at rachel.of.sentes@gmail.com and she'll pass it onto me. If you promise Scotch I will most certainly reply.

I bid you all farewell, I have to go and refill the bottles of water in my fridge. It's a hot one out there today!!

Agents and the Changing world of Canadian Publishing

2009-06-27T16:22:00.000-07:00

Recently I had lunch with an agent friend of mine and the topic of how traditional Canadian publishing is changing came up. There are more writers who are focusing on POD or self publishing routes but who are then seeking out agents to try and publish their second books, and there is great debate about what agent fees and services should now encompass.

In the past, most agents would take on clients, waive fees and just take the typical 15% royalty rate and leave it at that. Not so anymore. It has become quite clear that with the downsizing of staff and editors at publishing houses agents can no longer afford to wait until they sell a book to be paid- the time it takes to pitch books eats up thousands of unpaid hours.

Flat fees for different agent services such as referrals, manuscript evaluations, editing, and the writing of query letters and proposals are becoming common place. You may ask "why wouldn't I just self-publish if I have to pay for these services?" My answer to that is when you pay an agent for those items you get: quality of work, credibility, and hopefully book sales.

An agent is someone who has skills at speaking the language of books, chasing down editors and publishers who are reluctant to return your calls, and negotiating the best deal for you and your book. They spend hundreds of hours scouring your manuscript, making sure it is free of typos, and presenting the best part of the book to prospective publishers. Self-publishers don't do that and freelance writers only do portions.

Nowhere else can you expect the whole package- so why not spend a little money making sure you have the best of both worlds?

If an agent asks you for money for certain jobs- don't walk away fuming. Recognize the time and professionalism that it takes to work on your book and consider paying for those services.
( and if you are so inclined- don't forget cigars and scotch- that seems to be a trend with me, but hey- I'm an easy going agent!).

Authors and Agents- How Objective can they be?

2009-06-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

The relationship between an agent and an author can be tenuous and precarious, but also filled with amazing success and enlightenment. When you work with an agent our job is to tell the author the facts about their work. Even though an author might say they want a no holds barred viewpoint, when it comes right down to it, no author is really prepared for the criticism and work that might be requested to get their manuscript into salable condition. An author's reaction can depend on how you phrase the bad news and as an agent I need to be very aware of what kind of person I'm dealing with.

This is where my natural talent for reading people shines through. ( No that's not my ego talking- just a skill I have nurtured over the years). At this point I'm confident enough to be able to let an author know that perhaps they need to rethink what they are doing. I give them ample opportunity to voice their concerns and opinions about their baby but ultimately they have to have confidence in my professionalism to steer them in the right direction.

I recently had this discussion with a prospective client and we chatted about the question of being objective especially if the client was a relative, a friend, or even a lover. Can an agent be truly objective in that situation? No one wants to be the bearer of bad news especially to someone they are close with, and that can place a lot of stress on the agent and the writer.

If your agent really feels that they can't be honest with you and your work then what solutions could they offer to make the process work for everyone?

Perhaps the agent could have an external reader ( or another agent) read the potential manuscript and offer their opinion. Then your agent could pitch based on the reviews and not feel like they are treating the manuscript unfairly. Or maybe they could ask a relative or someone close to the client to intervene and give the more distressing news to them-leaving the agent to be the one that can be a support for the client. Or they could suggest another agent that might work better for you.

Whatever you decide, it's important to know that the publishing world works at a snail's pace and you have to find the right agent for you. One that will respect your work and give an honest assessment of your skills. And as an author it's time to realize that you are not perfect and if you can't take constructive criticism you are in the wrong business!

By the way, on a completely different topic I had the delight of playing a very unique tennis player last week. We played 3 sets everyday for three days in temperatures averaging plus 24, a gorgeous week in Vancouver. Although I did manage to win most of the points, I learned a great deal about different styles of playing tennis and how sometimes I should resist the temptation to hit topspin balls seeing that my height is quite an advantage to the game.

All in all though it was a great week and I was happy to neglect some of my agent duties to take a time out and enjoy all that this city has to offer, especially walking along the seawall after a great dinner at my favorite french restaurant. If you get a chance you should go and sit on some of the benches by the water and enjoy the night air this summer. You won't regret it.

Agents and New Clients

2009-06-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I signed up a new client. I can't tell you how exciting it is to do that. It's so exciting in fact, that I celebrate by going for a long walk, smoking a cigar ( if I have one), and having a nice glass of scotch. Yes that's the kind of wild and crazy guy I am.

Despite what you may think, the life of an agent is not all glamour and glitz. It's spending every day on the phone, brainstorming ideas of who to contact to see if they want to write a book, reading manuscripts- some great, some horrendous, and then playing the role of a diplomat between publisher and author. So when an agent signs up a client without any fuss or muss it is cause for celebration.

Our life is a solitary one punctuated by playing the odd game of tennis, watching a movie, or going to a baseball game and if one isn't careful they can become old before their time. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I like what I do, I just wish there was a regular paycheck involved. But you can't have everything.

Advice on Publishing

2009-06-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

I was going to offer some amazing advice here, but instead I'm going to quote a few of my favourite people on the process of getting published. I hope you have a sense of humour and take some of these quotes to heart ( especially the ones about getting an agent).

" Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published"- Robert Orben, The Encyclopedia of One-Liner Comedy, 1971

" An author should try to get an agent to represent him. Selling a manuscript cold is the toughest way I know to get published. It can be done, but the odds are against the writer."- William Targ, Indecent Pleasures, 1975

" For better or for worse, agents have increasingly become the keepers of the gates to book-publishing heaven." - Nancy Love, Everything you Need to Know About Literary Agents, 1995 Writer's Handbook

" Until you have canvassed at least 25-30 publishers you haven't given your book the chance it has to get published."- Richard Balkin, agent, Writers Yearbook 86

" You have to keep writing, keep submitting, and keep praying to the god of whimsy that some editor will respond favorably." - Attributed to Peter Benchley, novelist

And some of my favourite quotes:

" This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."- Dorothy Parker, critic, quoted in Wit's End edited by Robert E. Dremman, 1973.

" That's not writing, that's typing." - Truman Capote, novelist, appraising Jack Kerouac's work, TV interview with David Susskind, Open End, 1959

And my friend says that this one seems to mirror me, but I can't think why.

" I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation."- George Bernard Shaw, playwright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1943

And for those that get an agent- make sure that it's the right fit for you!

" Look, they're not interested in a talking seagull." - What Richard Bach's agent told him after his novel Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1970) was rejected more than 20 times. The book went on to sell 3, 107,500 copies in hardback, and continues to sell as a mass market

Happy Friday

2009-05-29T17:52:00.001-07:00

Since it's Friday and everyone is already out enjoying the weather, I thought I would jot down a few little things that make me happy. What's yours?

Finding you have just enough bread to make a really good sandwich
Getting money back that you loaned to someone and had forgotten about
Signing up a really good client that wants to work with you- without you having to call them a billion times
Realizing that you have just enough scotch to tide you over until the weekend
Extra bacon at Sophie's- she is too nice
Not feeling guilty about taking the day off and seeing a movie
Receiving brown paper packages tied up with a blue bow that made them smile on the long drive home
Enjoying mini addictions while still maintaining New Year's Resolutions
Knowing that someday all your hard work will pay off
Knowing that people out there care about you, no matter what your level of tennis might be
Having a cuddle

Good friends, Good times

2009-05-20T21:26:00.001-07:00

Ah, good friends equals good times. When an old friend comes into town, even at my age I like to indulge in a little scotch and recollection over a few cigars. What is it about reminiscing with someone you've know for dozens of years that makes you feel that all is right in the world? Is it the excuses it provides? " No, I'm not working today, I'm going out with my old friend from school" or is it the shared memories of spending endless nights in pubs. Well no it couldn't be that because I don't remember the nights in the pubs- too much scotch. But that's what these old friends are for- not recalling the good old times back in the day.

This week I have the pleasure of catching up with a good friend of mine and skipping out on as much work as possible. We've gone out to fine restaurants (not the Persian one- I won't name names but I will NEVER go there again. Not only was the food mediocre but the service was appalling. Post a comment if you want the name of the place to avoid a food catastrophe), we've played golf, gone for walks, watched sports on television and may even watch a few movies. But throughout his visit I very rarely felt like saying "Okay, I've seen you -now get the hell out of my apartment". This could happen if you are a new friend, but with old ones all is forgiven.

As Walter Winchell said, " A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

I have to agree. And it's going to suck not having an excuse to avoid work when he leaves.

Perfection- is there such a thing?

2009-05-19T21:03:00.001-07:00

Yes! When it comes to manuscripts the answer is simply yes. As Voltaire once said " Perfection is attained by slow degrees;it requires the hand of time." And so I ask you as a humble agent to please take your time when you submit a sample of your work to be considered by an agent.

I know perfection is tough to achieve but the very mention of the word "typo" sends chills up my spine.
I've been told that I'm a bit of a taskmaster when it comes to the written language, and indeed although you may find a few errors in this post ( if you do you can enter to win a great prize package- of what I don't know but I'll think of something), but I can't overstate the importance of taking care to prepare your work BEFORE you submit it to an agent or publisher.

Now occasionally a person gets lucky. Take one of my esteemed colleagues for example. I have the utmost respect for this person and she is a perfect example of everything you need in an agent even though when she first started out she made some errors. ( She won't admit to them so don't even TRY to go that route) She didn't see them as huge errors, but a misplaced comma or semicolon can make the difference between publication or the garbage bin.
Of course in her case she succeeded in selling the manuscript but I think that's because she is a force to be reckoned with and no one ever wants to say no to her without a very good reason.

For everyone else in the world the rule is SEEK PERFECTION or don't even think of sending out a manuscript or query letter or book proposal to an agent or publisher. Send it to as many friends, professional editors, or family members you can to catch all of your errors and then read it again.

So my tip today is TAKE THE TIME and go over your manuscript with a fine tooth comb. Or the typo man will be on your case.

Living the vida loca in Edmonton

2009-05-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I never thought I would say this, but going to Edmonton wasn't all that bad. It was a quick trip- landed Friday night and back on Sunday but the glimpse was enough to make me consider visiting again. When there are leaves on the trees- strange weather there. I mean it's May and you just got rid of the snow. And what is up with the WIND? Where does that come from?

I tried to play a game of tennis today and the wind ending up moving the ball four feet every time I tried to serve. It was pathetic. I felt pathetic, and I certainly didn't give my opponent a very fair game. Half of my serves didn't go over the net, so she really wasn't able to play that well. Hopefully the next time I grace the city, the wind won't cause such a problem and she'll get a better chance to really play tennis.

So in my short trip to the Capital City I ate at Deewhat restaurant, an east Indian establishment with seats that were comfy, but a little short to lean back on. It certainly improved my posture. The only thing I didn't like was the music, but the service was friendly and even when the saffron rice was being flicked at me by a person that shall go nameless, I enjoyed the evening. Of course the rice incident was in retaliation for some of my straw throwing earlier- so I suppose I deserved it. I walked down Whyte avenue at night and marveled at the amount of bars located on such a short street. Of course there is a church on every corner so there are plenty of places to repent after imbibing each night. One complaint I do have is Edmonton's strange aversion to serving Johnnie Walker's Red Label. They have black and gold, but no red. In 3 places I asked for it- no such luck. I'd love to know the reason for that, but then again at least they had scotch.

I also ate at OPM a kind of Asian fusion restaurant which serves seven flavoured beef and a decent wor wonton soup. The service was a bit slow, but we were in the lounge so that may explain it. Also the music kept going up and down in volume which was annoying but that was a small inconvenience in light of the good food. I had a snack at Hudson's and a breakfast at Denny's ( pricey and mediocre food), and then a small brunch at Moxie's, only because I didn't have time to wait in the line at Barb and Ernie's breakfast place-maybe next time.

I also got to walk in the lovely Buena Vista off leash park with three very cool dogs, watching them swim in the river and roll in a seagull carcass. Then we all stopped at the snack shack and they had treats. I would love to see what it looks like in the summer. The weather was spectacular until the wind kicked up.

So why was I in Edmonton you ask? Well I was a guest at the MacEwan Get Publishing Conference. They had asked me to participate in the Foot in the Door Queries and Pitch Camp as a literary agent- which luckily for them I am, so that worked out well.

I was please by all the interest the writers had in speaking with me and it was an excellent networking opportunity. I hope I was able to enlighten them somewhat about the job I do, and why it is so important to support traditional publishers. I look forward to attending another conference in the future.
While in Edmonton, I got a chance to meet some of my clients face to face, speak with some potential clients, and connect with someone whom I've always been intrigued by but have up until this point, only spoken to on the phone. It was great to meet the person behind the sultry voice and see that she really was everything I expected. And I'm sure I impressed her with my suavity and sense of humour.

Now that I'm back home in Vancouver it's back to reality. I was happy to have a short break and reclaim my weekend, because as an agent I tend to have to work every weekend so getting away from it all is certainly welcome. So I would like to thank the folks in Edmonton for having me, and especially to the exceptional woman who drove me to and from the airport. ( What on god's green earth possessed Edmonton to have one so far out of the city? That's insane!)

So until I visit Edmonton again, thank you and I raise my glass of Red Label to you all.

How time flies- Pick up your Phone

2009-04-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been over a month since I've written anything on here. I suppose that's a good thing because it means I'm working a lot. And for an Agent if you don't work there is no money to pay your bills.
This last month I've been working the ancient art of Diplomacy. I'm not sure that what I do is an art, but I sure do try hard to be a kind and patient person when it comes to negotiating with publishers. Our world is a strange one made up of ideas that are proposed and pitched to a small segment of society that can make or break your career.
It takes tact, persistence, and on occasion, anger to make it as a Literary Agent.
I have to say that one of the most annoying tasks is waiting for phone calls to be returned. I believe I have mentioned that to an Agent a phone is a lifeline, so when it doesn't ring my life becomes frustrating.
I realize that everyone is busy but I do believe in common courtesy and returning a call is extremely important in my life. Last week I left three phone messages and sent two emails to a person that I needed to hear from quite quickly.
Now barring illness or other misfortune, what is a good reason for not returning my calls? Do they realize that the very food on my plate relies on their voice at the other end of the line? How can I pay for my brisket or Montreal smoked ham if they don't call me back? How would they feel if I didn't return their calls?
I realize that in this business you don't want to burn any bridges with either publishers or the media, but there comes a point when they need to realize that what they do actually can affect someone and not in a good way.

So if you were one of those people in the last month who 'forgot' to return my call, take a couple minutes and dial my number or drop me an email. Whether you use a blackberry, a cell phone, or something that has an Application to dial, call me. It's good for you and good for me. Well I don't know about you- but I'm thinking of myself and my growling stomach.

When is an Author Not an Author?

2009-03-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

Well, that's debatable, but I'd like to suggest: When they are self-published. Oh yes, let the missives fly- but I can take it! I think what bothers me the most is when a self-published author mascarades as a legitimately published author- and yes I use that word knowing I may recieve hate mail- but facts are facts.
Publishing traditionally equals credibility in the eyes of the public. And if the public perceives you as that kind of author- and you aren't that kind of author- I think it's misleading.
I'm going to put something in here from Wikipedia ( it's a sin yes- but oh so handy) And saves me from typing alot ( and I'm citing it so it's okay)

Types of self-publishing

Vanity publishing
Main article: Vanity press
Vanity publishing is a pejorative term, referring to a publisher contracting with authors regardless of the quality and marketability of their work. They appeal to the writer's vanity and desire to become a published author, and make the majority of their money from fees rather than from sales. Vanity presses may call themselves joint venture or subsidy presses; but in a vanity press arrangement, the author pays all of the cost of publication and undertakes all of the risk.
In his guide How to Publish Yourself author Peter Finch states that such presses are "to be avoided at all costs." Because there is no independent entity making a judgment about their quality, and because many of them are published at a loss, vanity press works are often perceived as deserving skepticism from distributors, retailers, or readers. Some writers knowingly and willingly enter into such deals, placing more importance on getting their work published than on profiting from it.

Subsidy publishers
A subsidy publisher distributes books under its own imprint, and is therefore selective in deciding which books to publish. Subsidy publishers, like vanity publishers, take payment from the author to print and bind a book, but contribute a portion of the cost as well as adjunct services such as editing, distribution, warehousing, and some degree of marketing.[1] Often, the adjunct services provided are minimal. As with commercial publishers, the books are owned by the publisher and remain in the publisher's possession, with authors receiving royalties for any copies that are sold. Most subsidy publishers also keep a portion of the rights from any book that they publish. Generally, authors have little control over production aspects such as cover design.[2]

True self-publishing
True self-publishing means authors undertake the entire cost of publication themselves, and handle all marketing, distribution, storage, etc. All rights remain with the author, the completed books are the writer's property, and the writer gets all the proceeds of sales. Self-publishing can be more cost-effective than vanity or subsidy publishing and can result in a much higher-quality product, because authors can put every aspect of the process out to bid rather than accepting a preset package of services.[1]

Print on Demand (POD)
Main article: Print on demand
Short run printing is also called Print-on-demand (POD) or Print Quantity Needed (PQN). POD publishers generally do not screen submissions prior to publication, and many are web-based. They accept uploaded digital content as Microsoft Word documents, text files, or RTF files, as printing services for anyone who is willing to pay.[1] Authors choose from a selection of packages, or design a unique printing package that meets their requirements. For an additional cost, a POD publisher may offer services such as book jacket design with professional art direction; content, line, and copy-editing; indexing; proofreading; and marketing and publicity. Some POD publishers offer publication as e-books in addition to hardcover and paperback. Some POD publishers will offer ISBN (International Standard Book Numbers) service, which allows a title to be searchable and listed for sale on websites.
Many critics dismiss POD as another type of vanity press. One major difference is that POD publishers have a connection to retail outlets like Amazon and Books in Print that vanity presses generally do not.[3]

What's the most common link between them all? YOU PAY MONEY TO BE PUBLISHED.
And that's what is wrong with authors who claim to be authors when they have paid a printer to put their work out there. I don't have a problem with paying people to market your books, put together proposals, source agents or any of that- but I do have a problem with advertising
yourself as an "author" when really you haven't done all the work you should have. Promotion is one thing, building credibility as a traditionally published author is another. And if there is one thing that Stephen King never did- it was consider self-publishing ( Read his On Writing book and you'll see what he went through)

Oh yes, I have no doubt many people will be upset by my statements and I am happy to debate these facts- by all means someone prove to me that self-publishing is a good thing and I will gladly offer up some form of apology.

Of course I might be a little bias because if everyone self publishes then I might be out of a job- but ignore that and listen to my missive.
Do the work- Do it right- and Don't self-publish!

The Phone and all its uses

2009-03-02T20:26:00.001-08:00

When is a phone conversation too long? When you've come full circle and start repeating the same comments over and over again? When you forget why you called in the first place? When you start speaking about banal food choices and whether something is frozen or not? When you start answering everything with a question in a sing songy voice?
Yup. I'd say just about then.

Of course it's always good if you are on the phone a great deal to invest in a portable phone. That way when you are speaking with someone and you really have no interest in what they are saying, you can do other things around the house like sweeping ( if your maid isn't due to arrive the next day), or cooking up a nice bowl of poutine. Even in a small home, a portable phone ( when it doesn't need recharging) is handy and shows that you really are a multi-tasker.

As an agent I am on the phone 3/4 of the day so a phone is a lifeline. But despite what you may think I don't actually own a cell phone. Why? Because I don't need one. In fact most people, except for maybe neurosurgeons really need a cell phone. Life isn't as rushed or as important as most people make it out to be. And the world has become to reliant on the need to communicate every second of the day ( I have gmail for that!)

How many times have you been in line for a cashier when someone is either on the phone in front of you or are actually conversing as they are completing their transactions? Did we all really have to hear about how dumb your coworker was? Or that you wanted to tape something on television but forgot to set your dvd recorder? How did we live before hearing all these common excruitatingly boring daily transgressions everywhere we go?

By not having a cell phone I'm saving all of you from more noise pollution and from hearing the really boring chatter like how many buns and danishes I ate yesterday, and that I really only have decaf once in awhile, and that I know that my friend is probably really good at playing tennis I just don't want to admit it.

So I'll close with this little tip

Don't answer the phone. If it's important they'll call back. If they don't well someone might have died so maybe forget my first tip and answer the phone just in case. But don't spend to long on there, some of us don't have call waiting.

Things you shouldn't send in the mail

2009-02-19T20:08:00.000-08:00

1. Processed cheese slices ( they don't fit in the envelope well and arrive all broken and moldy)
2. Poutine (even in bubble wrap it just doesn't taste the same)
3. Marshmallows ( going through the sorter just seems to squish them all into mush)
4. Liquor - (the small hotel room bottles are acceptable but the big ones seem to get swiped by the postmen)
5. Business Cards ( you are risking identity theft- you can't be too careful even if they were from Staples and only cost 25 cents )
6. Self-published books ( why add one more thing to put you into debt by mailing them out to people?)
7. Oxygen bottle refills ( don't ask- you wouldn't understand)
8. Cheques ( they say they are in the mail- but we all know differently don't we)
9. St. Patricks Day book ( I don't know why but a friend told me that hers was stolen out of her mailbox one year and it made her sad)

I was going to round it out with 10 items, but then that would be predictable and we can't have that can we!!

Tip Number 4: Don't send your agent requests for you to be on Oprah. We hate that- and in light of recent news events it's probably not your best interest to be on there in the first place, especially if you write a fake holocaust book.

Taking Pride in Your Work

2009-02-14T18:31:00.000-08:00

Taking pride in one's work is both a blessing and a curse. I prefer to think it's a curse. If anyone has ever worked in menial labour job they know exactly what I mean. For example, I have a friend who works in a retail store on the weekends part time to make a little extra money. It's certainly not the job that University prepared for her and she really has no plans to stay there, but for now it gives her a little extra stability while her other business takes off.

I know lots of people who have part time jobs, although not all of them have pride in their work. She is constantly telling me tales of how her co-workers slack off while she is left to finish the work that they don't care about. What drives her to do this? Why should she care so much that everything is done correctly? Does anyone know the answer to this question?

By being conscientious about her work, fixing other people's mistakes, showing up on time, and being a responsible worker, she has inadvertently become an enabler for all those that display poor working habits. Through her hard work and toil they are becoming successes. Albeit she's not sure what successful heights they are reaching- since it's in retail, but nonetheless, she isn't making her life any richer by helping them.

Why then does she continue to toil at this thankful job, picking up after all those co-workers who happily try to do the least amount of work possible- while earning the same money? I think it's because she's basically a good person, and even though she will refuse to admit that until her dying day, the fact of the matter is that she actually cares what people think about her and that would mean death. And really is it so bad to be good?

Now excuse me while I go knock back another scotch and think of some more amazing items to discuss on my blog.

p.s Tip number 3: Remember when they say clean up in aisle 2- it's best not to look.

Calling in sick on yourself

2009-02-09T21:16:00.000-08:00

You know it's very difficult to call in sick when you are self employed.

You have to find a cell phone ( since I don't own one- don't get me started..I know...I know... how does an agent function without one- but I do very well thank you), and once you find one ,you have to dial and hope you get the answering machine so you don't have to explain just how ill you really aren't.

If you are lucky enough to get your own answering machine then you can say the rehearsed speech with a really ill sounding voice ( If you are a girl you can sound sexy like Lauren Bacall) and maybe you'll get away with not having yourself call you back and demand you show up.

Today was one of those days. I just couldn't answer one more phone call or open one more manuscript so I called in sick. I know I'll regret it, my paycheque will reflect it, but until they can come up with a way to give sick days to the self-employed I'm afraid I'm going to have to suffer with the lost wages.

So if any of you out there think that being an agent is all roses and money. Think again. And think really hard before you send me (or gal-friday) your manuscript- cause with the mood I'm in today you had better hope it's a best-seller!!

Self-Publishing Addressed

2009-02-05T14:24:00.000-08:00

Hi, some nice person said they were considering self-publishing, and after reading my tip that said don't do it- they asked why?
Well in my honest opinion I'm of the belief that publishers should be paying YOU to publish your book and not the other way around.

On reason I dislike self publishing is that when you self-publish no matter WHAT the POD press tells you- you will NOT get into bookstores except through consignment which will take about 48% of your retail value. Sure, places like Author House and I-Universe talk a good game, and they will list you on internet sites but they won't get you where you want to be- which is on the bookshelves. At least not before you've shelled out all your money.

Now if you were only planning to sell say 50 books to friends and family- then why not? You can even go through something like the Cafe Press at the University of Alberta a machine that prints your book out for you while you wait.
But if you actually want to make some money and really want people to read it, or a newspaper review it- then think carefully before you lay that money down.
With a traditional publisher comes credibility and distribution and those speak volumes.

Try an agent- they aren't all bad. In fact I'm pretty good. And so is my partner in crime at www.gal-friday.blogspot.com.

I hope that helps a little. Of course if you want all the reasons- then contracts signed in blood will have to be signed!!

After the Superbowl

2009-02-02T20:15:00.001-08:00

During the Superbowl ( I am a HUGE fan of football- so if you are a famous football player who wants to write a book I WILL return your phone call), I ate my world famous Waldorf Fruit Salad and three danishes and Lay's Classic potato chips. Mmmm Potato Chips.

After the game, I settled in to watch the repeat broadcast of the Federer-Nadal Australian Open Final. I am also a true fan of tennis and get onto the courts at least once a week, although I don't know if that is going to help when the famous gal-friday comes to town. Apparently she is a provincial medal winner who is bound and determined to beat me. We'll see. Mind you if I keep eating all those danishes she might have something on me!

I was disappointed that Federer lost though not as sad as he was, but here's hoping he can come back in the U.S Open.

For those of you who know my work- you'll recognize that the work of a literary agent is never done. There are NO weekends in my line of work. So I settled in to read some manuscripts submitted by some clients. I do enjoy reading new work, and I have an amazing piece just waiting on my desk next weekend courtesy of a client in Edmonton. I can't wait!

So here is my tip Number 2: Don't expect your book to be a classic
Why? Let's draw from an American favourite:

" A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."
- Mark Twain- speech- "The Disappearance of Literature," 19th Century Club, November 20, 1900. quoted in Mark Twain's Speeches edited by Albert Bigelow Pain, 1923 ( Holy jebus- the citation is longer than the quote- that's why being a literary agent is tough- you actually have to assign quotes to the proper people!)

Well that's it from me and that's it from him

Ciao!

Welcome to my Blog

2009-01-28T21:43:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my Blog. It will be amazing. It will be filled with innuendo, references to scotch and cigarrettes and an insiders view of the world of a working literary agent.

But don't expect much this for this first entry. I'm actually trying to make a living you know!

My first tip- If you are thinking of self-publishing, no matter how lucrative the deal- Don't.

Stay tuned for more amazing tips like my first one.

You won't be disappointed.